How painful experiences from the past can shape fear of judgment and how rescripting can help change our relationship with ourselves.
Social anxiety often seems like a problem of the present.
A person may be afraid of meeting new people, speaking in front of others, expressing an opinion, making a mistake, or appearing not good enough. They understand that nothing is threatening them now, yet their body and mind still react as if danger were ahead.
Sometimes this happens because the present situation resembles something much older.
At some point, a person may have been mocked for making a mistake. Shamed for their appearance. Compared with others. Rejected when they tried to express themselves. And gradually, an inner sense develops: showing who I am is dangerous.
A child cannot simply decide that the adults are wrong. If significant people repeatedly make a child feel that something is wrong with them, the child begins to believe it.
This is how an experience can form that continues to live within the person into adulthood.
They are no longer a child, but inside there may still be an expectation that they are about to be judged, humiliated, or rejected.
What Is Rescripting?
It is precisely this kind of experience that can be addressed through rescripting.
Rescripting is a therapeutic method in which a person returns to a painful episode not in order to relive it, but to change what happened to them within that experience.
It is important to understand that this does not mean literally rewriting the past.
The past does not change.
What changes is the person’s internal experience.
For example, if a child was mocked in front of other people, an internal belief may have formed: there is something wrong with me, so people will make fun of me.
In adulthood, a similar situation may trigger anxiety almost instantly.
You need to express an opinion at work — and suddenly you feel afraid.
You need to meet someone new — and you feel the urge to withdraw.
You need to speak in front of a group — and your body responds with tension.
As if that old story were still continuing.
What Changes During Rescripting?
During rescripting, a person returns to that experience and gradually has an opportunity to live through it differently.
What becomes important is what was missing at the time.
Protection.
Support.
Understanding.
The possibility of stopping what was happening.
The possibility of seeing that the child was not to blame for being treated that way.
And gradually, a new internal experience begins to emerge: there was nothing wrong with me. I did not deserve to be humiliated. I do not have to be perfect in order to have the right to be among other people.
This can significantly change the way a person sees themselves in the present.
Because social anxiety is often connected not only with the question of what other people might think.
At a deeper level, there may be another fear: if they see the real me, they will discover that I am not good enough.
And then the person tries to hide themselves.
Speaks less.
Avoids attention.
Controls every word.
Tries to appear confident.
Does not allow themselves to make mistakes.
From Other People’s Judgment to Your Relationship with Yourself
Rescripting helps gradually change this internal relationship with oneself.
You do not have to become perfect in order to stop fearing judgment.
You need to begin feeling that your worth does not depend on how good you look in the eyes of others.
This change usually happens gradually.
At first, a person may simply notice that anxiety has become slightly weaker in certain situations.
Then they discover that they can say something imperfect without experiencing intense shame afterward.
They can be disliked by someone without experiencing it as a catastrophe.
They can take up space among other people without constantly trying to earn the right to be there.
And gradually, something begins to appear that was so lacking before — the freedom to be yourself.
The Past Remains, but Stops Determining the Present
Rescripting does not erase painful memories.
It helps change the place those memories occupy within the person.
The past remains part of your story, but it no longer has to determine the present every time.
And then meeting other people becomes not an exam that has to be passed successfully, but simply a meeting.
You can speak.
You can remain silent.
You can make mistakes.
You can feel nervous.
You can be imperfect.
And still remain a person who deserves acceptance and respect.
About the author
Stanislav Sukhorukov is a psychologist who works with psychological trauma, anxiety, fear of judgment, low self-esteem, and the effects of traumatic experiences. He uses EMDR and other contemporary psychotherapy approaches in his practice.
